For some reason, it has helped me lately to write down each annoying thing I face each day the moment it happens. We had a less than ideal morning, and with the sound of cheerios crunching under my feet and "I want what he's having, Mom!", I raced to my notepad and furiously scribbled down my woes. Cleaning banana that's like glue off the floor and wooden high chair, not being able to sit down to eat my breakfast until I've gotten up 10 times for a washcloth, a spoon, raisins, water. Not being dressed or showered, not getting to exercise this morning, not being able to be sick. My list is already 7 (notebook size) pages, and it's only been 3 days. The list somehow makes me feel understood, or at least listened to. If Tom Hanks can talk to a volleyball, then why can't I talk to a little 4X6 notebook? It just seems to meet me on the fly more than a journal, which is a sit-down, intentional proces.
Clearly I have some organizational issues, and I admit, attitudinal adjustments to be made, but it seems like one decision compounds and train wrecks the rest of my day, and today it was, "Oh, I can't get up yet; I can barely move; this is the only time of the day I can be sick" (while Robert's still here). When I get up, I need to be ON. Or it will be noon and I'll still be in pajamas because my clean shirts are hanging out to dry in the basement because no way do I want to shrink my few clothing choices in the dryer. I like ketchup, but I don't like playing catch up. I'm not sure what I will do with my list, but I have been informally praying as I go (I don't want to make it a formal thing as I write because I find that I need to be able to just let it all out), and I'm sure rereading the whole thing will cause me to do a few things:
1. Start thinking about some of the good things or funny things, and be more motivated to jot them down too as we go along. Scenery is scenery, and I pray to see more of the good things that pass by through the window.
2. Start laughing about my days more--see the reality of things, that this truly is hard, and even someone with nerves of steel would be struggling, much more someone with control problems. Some of it really is ridiculous--I'll make a top 10 list soon, straight from my list.
3. Pick 3 or 4 things that wouldn't be too hard to change, so that I'm not dealing with the same little annoying thing each day when it would be easy to fix. It's crazy to see it the next day like I'm surprised, and fall out of love all over again with stuffing things in my fridge while making balancing act adjustments. Maybe I'll also focus on one big project that would have a prism-like effect on the rest of my day. Robert, if you're reading this, the list is not subject to scrutiny ("You said you were going to clean up the fridge!"). It's in the vault what projects I'm working on.
4. Pray through the items in a more "formal" way, and find ways to praise God, seek His wisdom, pour out my soul within me about this job that is so baffling, so big and so important. And confess my nitpicking attitude--it makes more cold pricklies than happy babies.